


Unlocked Doors

by TearDrop1234



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearDrop1234/pseuds/TearDrop1234
Summary: Prompt: a university getting together au
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 35
Kudos: 62
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	Unlocked Doors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fairyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyy/gifts).



“How long are you going to stare at him?” Steve asked. 

Forever, Phil wanted to say. Across the library sat one of the loveliest boys ever: big eyes, soft looking brown hair, and the face of a fallen angel - sweet, but not quite. “Is he new here?” Phil asked.

“Like I know everyone at uni,” Steve huffed. “By the way, I see you didn’t even try to deny you’re staring.”

“Let’s hope it’s not as obvious to him as it is to you.” Phil dragged his eyes away for a moment to place his books on the table. 

“Don’t worry. He looks lost in his own world. I don’t think he realizes anyone else is even in this room.”

Phil nudged his shoulder. ”Be nice.”

“Oh! Already defending him and you don’t even know his name.”

“He’s reading,” Phil said, defending him still, even though it didn’t look like he actually was reading. He’d look down at his book and then up and then down and then up. Phil wasn’t sure if he looked bored or thoughtful.

“He’s sitting in the law reference section,” Steve said. “He’s not your type.”

“What’s my type then?”

“I don’t know. Someone less intellectual and who likes to wear odd hats and play video games?”

“Now look who’s talking like he knows him. He might be all of those things. I mean, except for the less intellectual part.”

Steve shook his head. “Right. Good luck with that one. Out of your league he is.”

“Stop it. We shouldn’t be talking this much in the library anyway.”

“We’re talking quietly,” Steve said, while finally doing so. “Why don’t you introduce yourself to him?”

“How long have we known one another? Do you really think I’m going to stroll over and say hello? And what reason would I give for doing it? Hey, I’m gay and I think you’re hot?” Phil’s pitch rose higher when he said the word hot. Though he wanted to be closer to the object of his attraction, between Steve’s torturing and his own sudden prepubescent sounding screech, Phil felt grateful they sat farther across the room instead. On Sunday nights the library contained a fair amount of students, most of whom had partied the day before and were now scrambling to get studies done for the next school day. Beneath the quiet rolled the continuous hum of people speaking to one another in hushed tones. Phil hid inside that bubble, content with that for now.

“Whatever,” Steve sighed, opening the top book in his stack.

Phil opened one also and flipped through it randomly as if it were a magazine at a doctor’s office and not a scholastic manual. Concentration proved difficult when his eyes kept darting away from the pages to make sure fallen angel was still there. He was. He sat with an arm bent atop the table and the side of his face resting in its hand. At that moment he definitely looked bored and not thoughtful. As if on cue, he suddenly closed his book and moved to stand. Dressed all in black, he stood tall and slender, built much the same as Phil, except a more graceful version. Phil didn’t believe in love at first sight, but this guy was everything, even if he couldn’t quite put it into words what that everything was. As he slung a backpack over his shoulder, his eyes randomly met Phil’s, only for a moment, but long enough for Phil to feel his face turn hot. Another moment later and he was walking away and out the door. 

“Looks like you missed your chance,” Steve said.

“You’re nosy,” Phil attempted to joke, while inside worried he might be right.

*

“Hey, wait up!” Phil trotted to Steve’s side. “Where you running off to?”

“I’m going to sit in the sun for as long as possible before I’m buried under classwork or just plain buried.”

“I think the video assignment is going to be fun, though.” Phil clapped his hands together excitedly like a kid anticipating a trip to the park.

“Of course you do. It’s going to be so easy for you. You already have a notebook filled with ideas.”

“And doodles.”

“Right.”

“I thought you liked this editing class,” Phil said.

“I do, but it’s our first solo project, which means more work than usual.”

“And you don’t have my brilliant mind to siphon off of.”

Steve guffawed. “If you say so.”

They exited the building and walked out to a blue sky and the shining sun Steve longed for - a swab of summer warmth hanging on for all its worth in the midst of an autumnal month. 

“Walk with me to the benches and then you can run back inside to hide your vampire skin, Casper.”

“Am I a ghost or a vampire? You can’t have both.” Phil tilted his head in thought. ”Vampires are always sexy and hot. I guess I’m a ghost.”

“All I know is you act like melting ice when you sit uncovered in the sun for too long.”

They walked for several minutes, dodging people lounging on the lawn, everyone wanting a piece of transient summer. 

“Well, this is my stop,” Steve announced, dropping on to the first empty bench in their path. He leaned sideways into the backrest and stretched his legs out along the wooden planks, taking up the entirety of it. He sighed happily. “Try not to envy my being one with Mother Nature.”

“Try not to envy my video skills surpassing yours.”

Steve smirked. “Right. So funny he is.”

Phil decided to take the extended route to the hall. He’d get his enjoyment of the day and still get back in time to think out his project. Leaves crunched underfoot and the air still smelled of damp earth and wood. No doubting it was a fall day despite the unusual warmth. He found it inspiring. Maybe he’d film something in the horror genre. The time of year was perfect for it and Phil had always loved spooky movies. It was time he filmed a short one of his own. Phil felt the excitement welling again. This was going to be good. It was going to be fun. It was going to be…. Phil yelped. His last thought escaped memory as each foot took a turn shuffling off the ground in the search for stability. 

Something long and solid stood in his way. Why had he been gazing upwards daydreaming when he knew his feet couldn’t be trusted? He landed face down with a moan and rolled over to his back. Laughter echoed nearby. Phil knew his face was redder than if he’d decided to stay in the sun baking. He sat up, his feet now sitting against someone’s legs - the very legs he’d face planted over. When he saw who those legs were attached to, he wanted to claw at the earth beneath him and crawl inside. The everything guy from the library looked at him, laughing in amusement.

Phil cupped his mouth. “I’m sorry, so sorry,” he said through his fingers.

Library guy hadn’t stopped laughing. Well if nothing else he must not be hurt. “It’s alright. Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Phil rushed to stand, wiping the dirt from his hands against his trousers. 

“I’ve only been out here a minute. I should have stayed inside like I normally do. I was in your way, I guess.”

“Sorry, mate.” Phil didn’t know what else to say. All he knew was that he couldn’t get out of the public eye, or more importantly, the library guy’s eyes fast enough. He hurried away, leaving him there sat beneath the tree. He could still feel his stare even as he closed his room door behind him. This day had turned so awful.

*

“What are you doing?” Steve asked. He’d barged into Phil’s room without so much as a knock. It was moments like this that reminded Phil he should lock his door more often. “You’re sitting in bed on a Friday night?”

“I’m studying.” Phil watched the corgi on his laptop screen beg for treats. “I’m busy.”

“I can hear, you know. We’re not taking any classes that involve barking dogs. You look a sad sight, mate. What happened to positive Lester?” 

Phil snapped his laptop shut and set it aside. “He tripped over the cutest guy at uni.” 

“Are you still on about that? He’s probably already forgotten about it.”

“I have to face the fact that I’m always going to be single because any potential mate I could possibly have I’ll accidentally bruise to death.”

Steve sighed. “Don’t be daft. Although I’m sort of surprised it’s taking you this long to find someone. I thought gay guys just banged each other all the time. You’re a decent enough looking guy. Can’t you just find someone to shag?”

“God I feel sorry for your next girlfriend. Not every guy wants only that. I would actually like a relationship.”

“Here’s your chance then,” Steve announced, jabbing finger guns in his direction.”Stop moping and get ready. We’re going to a party. Maybe you’ll find another sap like yourself there.”

“What party? What’s it for?”

“It’s someone’s birthday or there’s a football game on the telly. I don’t know, mate. I only go for the alcohol and fit birds, so it doesn’t matter why.”

Phil made a face. “I hate football.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Don’t be difficult. It’s a Friday. Start acting like people our age act on the weekend. Change out of that old t-shirt and let’s go already.”

Phil groaned and shoved himself out of bed. It was either that or continue putting up with Steve’s torture. He buttoned a red check shirt over his tee and roughly massaged his mop of hair to bring it back to life. That’s all the effort he was willing to give tonight. “I’m ready.”

“See how easy that was? You look good,” Steve said, staring at his phone and not in Phil’s direction at all.

“Sure. Thanks. Let’s go before I change my mind.”

*

For the second time that evening, Steve pushed his way through an unlocked door, this time leading them both inside the party flat. They were greeted by stale air and a throng of strangers, many of whom seemed thoroughly liquor soaked already. A beer can pyramid stood against one wall, while empty bottles sat on every flat surface like abandoned dates. There was a lot of loudness - loud talking, loud laughing, loud music. Some guests sang along to the song playing overhead, most doing so tunelessly, and some only randomly hitting a correct word every other lyric. Phil still didn’t know whose flat he was in or why there was a party, other than it seemed to be for the same reason Steve wanted to be there. As most university gatherings tended to be, it was a room full of people drinking and flirting, so why Phil was surprised or disappointed, he didn’t know. At that moment he couldn’t think beyond anything other than the noisy chaos jostling his brain. 

“I feel one of my headaches coming on,” Phil shouted over the music. 

“Of course you do. Stop whinging,” Steve said, looking around the room.

“You’re a great friend,” Phil said flatly. “You busy looking for a partner?”

“Seeing what’s available. That one’s nice,” he said, jutting his chin toward a brunette with an ample bosom. 

Steve was a boob guy and she definitely had that to her advantage, or maybe disadvantage. To Phil she looked way out of Steve’s league. He patted him on the shoulder. “Good luck.” 

He took Steve’s hormonal distraction as an opportunity to head away from the heart of the mayhem. He grabbed a bottle of beer and a bottle of water on his way out of the room, nodding hello to a few and avoiding eye contact with most as he scrambled along. If he could simply have a few moments of quiet he might manage to pull himself together long enough to not seem like the lamest person there. He wished he’d brought headache tablets with him. He didn’t want to snoop through someone’s bathroom cabinet and he didn’t know anyone there to ask for a supply of them. He didn’t even feel confident enough to ask around to find out whose flat it was. If only he’d stayed in bed watching corgi videos. 

Phil tried a door. Locked. “I’m in here!” someone yelled. Right. That would be the loo. He tried the next door down. It opened to quiet and darkness, which was everything he wanted in a space at that moment. He felt along the wall for a light switch, needing to at least sort where he was before hiding. 

“Oi!” yelled a voice from the floor as the room lit. 

“Oh God!” Phil squawked. That was a real life jump scare if ever there was one. Phil gripped his bottles tightly, feeling condensation and sweat begin to tease them from his grasp.

He looked downwards toward the commotion causer. There against the bed frame sat a guy with lightly disheveled hair and glisteningeyes. But not just any guy - this was THE guy. The library guy, and more recently, the guy he’d embarrassingly fumbled over. He looked less lively than the past times he’d seen him, but was attractive all the same. Surely more attractive than Phil had looked sprawled out on the lawn. If this person recognized him as that loser clown, he didn’t show it.

“Would you like some water?” Phil asked, raising the bottle in offering. He certainly didn’t look like he needed another beer.

“I don’t think so.”

“Sorry about the light. I was trying to see what room I broke into.”

“S’okay. I was just hiding. My head hurts.”

“Me too,” Phil said.

“You pissed?”

“No. I haven’t actually had anything to drink yet.” Phil pointed at his forehead. “I just get headaches sometimes. Don’t really know why.” 

“That’s too bad.” He gave Phil a once over. “Did you have a headache when you tripped over me?” he deadpanned. So much for getting away with it. Even inebriated, this guy remembered him and that fiasco of a moment. 

Phil smiled then laughed. “I’m just a klutz. I do that a lot. You’re one of many victims.”

“So, I’m not special,” he said, twisting his hands together between his bent knees.

“You here by yourself?” Phil asked a few beats later.

“Apparently. I don’t think I much want to be here anymore.”

Phil gestured a thumb over his shoulder. “It is kind of obnoxious out there.”

“Obnoxious indeed,” he said, moving to stand, and swaying as he did so. He caught himself with a hand braced against the mattress.

“You leaving the party?” Phil asked.

“I think that’s best.”

“I haven’t been here long, but I don’t really want to stay either.” Phil cleared his throat. “I could walk with you?”

“Can I trust you? You seem very dodgy on your feet.”

“You’re one to talk at the moment.”

“Too true, mate.” He laughed silently, showing a big grin with dimples that made putty of Phil’s heart.

“Let’s try. No one will know but us if we fail.”

Phil led them down the hallway, leaving his unopened beer bottle on the first empty surface they passed. He headed toward the front door, glancing behind from time to time to make sure his newfound shadow was still there and vertical. He managed to catch Steve’s eye on the way out. He did a double take and mouthed ‘whoa’ when he saw who Phil was with. 

Once his feet hit the outdoors steps, Phil inhaled deeply, thankful to be freed of the suffocation brought on by too many bodies in a small space. Crisp air nipped at his skin while broken leaves scuttled around their feet. On another night and time, maybe this could have been a romantic walk, but as it was, he didn’t know the name of the person next to him, and the way that person sometimes teetered made Phil wonder if he even remembered that answer himself. 

“Hey, what’s your name?”

“Dan. You?”

“I’m Phil.”

“Trippy Phil.” Dan stopped in his tracks and giggled, apparently unable to do both at the same time. Overhead streetlights revealed hooded eyes and arms patterned with goosebumps.

“It’s cold out. We better get walking and get you back inside.” 

Dan started moving but said, “Nah. I’m hot. I have to tell you something, though.”

He sounded so sincere. Phil’s heart picked up a beat. “Yeah?”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Oh.” If Phil needed something to bring him back to reality, that was it. “Like right now?”

Dan nodded.

Phil looked around. “Go over by those trees. No one will see.”

“I don’t like trees in the dark. They scare me.”

Dan still had his sincere voice, but Phil couldn’t tell if he actually meant it. “I’ll go with you, okay?”

Phil placed a hand between his shoulder blades, guiding him. “Come on.”

They walked together, away from the streets, pedestrian paths and buildings, to a hidden patch of nature. It was darker this way, the area shielded from artificial light. The moonlight swathed in clouds didn’t offer much in the way of guidance either.

“You’ll stay with me?” Dan asked.

“Yes. I promise.”

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” He nearly sounded on the verge of tears.

“It’s nothing. We’ve all been there.”

Suddenly, Dan’s stride picked up at an earnest if unsteady pace, not stopping until he found a tree to bow to. He hunched over, holding the trunk with his hands, and decorated it repeatedly with splashes of debauchery. When finished, he turned toward Phil, wiping his mouth with the bottom of his t-shirt. “Gross. I’m sorry.”

In a different scenario, the flash of his bellybutton over the top of his pants might have sparked an emotion other than sympathy. “Don’t be. Want the water this time?” Phil offered.

Dan looked relieved. “Yeah, thanks.” He grabbed it and took a large swig, swishing it around his mouth and then turning to spit it out. The next gulp was smaller and went down the hatch. 

“Do you feel well enough to continue on?”

Dan nodded. “We’re almost there. I tried really hard to make it.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Phil bit his tongue so as not to embarrass either of them with nervous ramblings, and he assumed Dan was busy trying not to get sick again. 

“This is it,” Dan announced as they came upon one of the university’s many worn terra-cotta brick buildings. It was a hall Phil had passed by many times but never been inside of. 

“Are you okay on your own from here?”

He nodded. “I’m going straight to bed. Thanks for your help. I owe you one.”

“Nah. I owed you one for tripping over your legs. We’re even.”

Dan smiled over his shoulder and waved with the hand still holding the water. It wasn’t until he was in the building that Phil realized he should have asked for his number.

*

“You don’t have his number?” Steve screeched. Fellow students busied around them on their way to class, but he’d once again failed in the art of quiet subtlety. “Did you at least get a blow job or something?” 

Phil scrunched up his face. “That’s so wrong. Did you miss the part of the story where he was drunk? And let’s not forget the part where he threw up!” 

“Yeah, but desperate times.” 

“Be quiet. I’m not desperate. Speaking of which, how’d your pick up go?”

“It didn’t.”

Phil mocked in a singsongy voice, “Did you at least get her number?” 

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“No.”

Phil pointed a finger at him. “See!”

“Yeah, but you’re already in love, so you should’ve at least gotten a number.”

“Oh shut-up. I am not.” 

“You should ask him to be in your video project.”

“No.” Phil paused near their classroom, intentionally holding them up. He wasn’t interested in taking this conversation into the lecture.

“Why not?” Steve asked.

“He’ll think I’m such a geek.”

“He should want you for who you are.”

Phil wouldn’t admit it, but Steve just doled out several great pieces of advice. “Do you have someone to be in your video project?”

“I’m my own star,” Steve said with a self-mocking grin.

“So the brunette from the party said no?”

“Um, right. But that doesn’t mean that… what’s his name?”

“Dan.” It felt wonderful to say. He had a name now.

“Yeah, him. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Now I just have to find him again. Where’s a man with long legs to trip over when you need him?”

“You know which hall he’s in.”

“Should I just go and knock on every door then until he answers one of them?”

“Hide in the bushes and watch for him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Phil scowled, and then spent the entire length of the lecture contemplating doing exactly that.

*

Later that afternoon Phil stood near the same building he’d been in front of less than 72 hours before with a really cute guy who he now was basically stalking. After an hour of trying to look casual, he decided to give up. There was nowhere to sit, and he could only pretend to look at his phone or stare out to the surrounding area like a land surveyor for so long before looking suspicious. If they were meant to find one another again, it would happen. Fate already brought them together more than once. There was no reason it couldn’t happen again.

He headed back to his room and threw himself into bed. He pulled his tattered notebook open, reading old video ideas and scribbling in a few new ones. Now that it was in his head, he couldn’t imagine anyone other than Dan acting them out. The thought of having to find someone else to do this with made him want to pull the sheet over his head. Phil reread the last words he’d written: _Dark honey eyes, soft hair, long limbs. The town shadow no one understood_. 

A knock came to the door. “It’s open,” he called, still looking at his writings. 

“Hi!” said a voice he knew, though not well. “Is it okay if I come in?”

Phil jerked his head up. “Dan.” He looked more bright eyed and rested than the last time he’d seen him. “Hi. Of course. How did you…?”

Dan clicked the door shut. “A friend of yours called Steve said you were looking for me. He directed me here.”

Sometimes Steve was as impressive a friend as he was bad. “Right. Did he happen to tell you why?”

“No. He didn’t explain and I didn’t ask. He seemed in a hurry.”

Phil again felt that pang of embarrassment. “How’s your hangover?”

“Was miserable Saturday. I slept until 4:00. By Sunday all was fine again. How’s your headache?”

“Gone.” He paused, searching for a subtle segue; since Steve sent him here, it’s not like he couldn’t not tell him what he wanted. “Now I have a different kind of headache, though.”

“What’s that then?” 

“A school project. I have to film my own video and edit it to some sort of state of professionalism. I need someone to be the face of my creation.” Phil gave a subdued smile. “Thought maybe you could do it.”

“Really?” Dan spun the nearby desk chair to face where Phil still sat half hidden under a sheet and dropped into it. “You must be desperate if you want this mug.”

Was he serious? Had he looked in the mirror? “You said you owed me one, so…”

“Ah! So I did owe you one after all! I knew it!” A corner of Dan’s mouth curved up. “I’m joking. It’s fine. Sounds like it could be fun. Definitely more fun than reading a contract law manual.”

“So, yes?”

“Yeah. I like theater and film. At one time I used to think I wanted to be an actor. When are we doing this?”

“Now?” He wasn’t ready to let Dan out of his sight so quickly. 

“Sure. Okay.”

That was surprisingly easy. Might as well keep the momentum going while Phil felt a flash of relief and luck. “Can I have your number?”

“Are you going to call me during the video?”

“Yes. No! Maybe. I don’t know.” Phil squeezed his eyes shut briefly and regrouped. “I might need it later. What if we have to do a reshoot and I can’t get in touch with the main star?”

“We haven’t even shot one scene yet. Not even five seconds.”

Phil adopted a dramatic voice and tapped opposing fingertips against one another. “Oh, but maybe I’ve been filming you secretly this whole time.” 

Dan laughed. “Yeah? I hope you manage to get more riveting material out of me than this.” He pulled his cell from his pocket. “Look, I don’t want you to fail out of class because of me. Give me your number and I’ll text you back.”

Phil recited it and seconds later his phone dinged. The waiting text read: _dan howell your star and saviour…this is my number_. 

“Thanks, saviour. Guess we better start filming so you can come to my rescue.”

*

They began with a few test pieces, checking light and sound. Phil asked Dan to pose certain ways or repeat phrases back for him, though Dan soon stopped parroting the gibberish Phil doled out and started reciting song lyrics instead. Phil appreciated his spontaneity and sincere curiosity. He even liked the off the cuff bits Dan included with the written dialogue. He felt light and happy.

“You’re really great. Thank you for this. I didn’t realize you’d be this animated,” Phil said.

“What? You thought I’d stand in front of the camera with my eyes rolled up in my head like I’m about to pass out?”

Phil gave a reserved smile. “Maybe.” 

“And yet you asked me to be in your film anyway.”

“Yes.” 

Dan laughed, a beautiful grin decorated with dimples burst across his face. It was a glorious sight and one Phil silently promised he’d work to see more of. “Sometimes I’m that way. Right now I just feel…. ” He laughed again and shrugged his shoulders. “You know.”

Phil wasn’t sure he did, but his quickened heartbeat ticked out a message of hope. “Are you ready to film some more then?”

“Yeah. It’s nice to do something different. And something creative, which law is basically the antithesis of.”

Phil wanted this to be something like a masterpiece for himself, and now for Dan as well. They were in this together. This was their joint piece of history. “How do you feel about vampire teeth?”

“You just happen to have some hanging around?”

“I collect props sometimes. If something looks interesting and I think I might be able to use it in a future video, I’ll pick it up and hang on to it. I’ve started a box of them.”

“Can I see?”

Phil felt heat creep into his face. “Really?”

“Sure. Why not? Do you have some dark hidden secrets kept away in there?”

“No. There’s nothing special.”

“Uh-huh.” Dan nodded despite the look of doubt on his face. “Okay. Let’s have a look.”

Phil tugged the box from his closet, dragging it along the carpet before picking it up and dropping it on his bed. 

They sat down with the box between them.

“It’s cardboard,” Dan observed, wagging one of the lid flaps back and forth.

“Yeah.”

“You need something more special for your stuff.”

“Maybe once I’m graduated and living on my own. It’s easier to move stuff between here and my parents’ home if it’s already boxed.”

Dan tilted his head. “What’s your surname?”

“Lester.”

Dan picked a stuffed dinosaur out of the box, holding it beneath his chin and gazing at Phil as he said, “One day you’ll have your own place. And a nicer box. And it will hold all the props of famous film maker Phil Lester.”

“Famous film maker Phil Lester… Say that three times fast.”

Dan laughed and threw the dinosaur at him. “So what else is in your box of secrets? Let’s see.” He rummaged through it, pulling out rainbow-striped socks, sunglasses too big for any human face, pink and grey bunny ears, a bowtie attached to an elastic string, and a generic action figure. He peaked in before pulling out the next item. “Oh, what’s this? Another stuffed creature. A stuffed lion?”

“I like them,” Phil said, taking it in hand. “Lions, I mean. They don’t have to be stuffed.” 

“That’s okay. I still have a bear my grandma bought for me when I was a baby.”

Dan was much cooler than he was and so damn attractive, but he didn’t act like he was any of that. Phil’s nerves calmed and before he knew it he was pressing the lion to Dan’s cheek and imitating a growl. Big brown eyes stared his way for a moment and Phil felt his heart drop. He’d let his guard down. What the hell was he doing? 

The stare soon melted into an expression of amusement. Dan laughed soundlessly. “Such a fierce lion. I hope he doesn’t eat us.”

Phil returned the chuckle. “Yeah, or he might attack us and leave our remains outside the door.” He made a claw gesture with one hand and waved the stuffed animal side to side with the other.

“Quick! I need my fangs to protect us. Where are they?” 

“Oh no. Emergency costume change!” Phil hummed, fishing through the pile of oddities, some of which he didn’t even remember acquiring, and turned up nothing. He frowned. “They’re not in here. Masterpiece production is halted.”

“I could wear these.” Dan shoved the bunny ears onto his head.

“Uh…” So adorable, Phil couldn’t think for a moment. “We could change it from horror to comedy.”

“Comedy horror! I could be a vampire rabbit and hold my index fingers down in front of my lips like they’re long teeth.”

Phil covered his mouth laughing. 

“What do you think?” Dan asked.

What Phil thought, was that his first impression of Dan had been correct. He was everything. “Let’s do it.”

*

A couple hours later, after more than a few stops for laughter and strategizing, Phil had his footage. 

Dan was lying on the floor, ears long since discarded. “Now what?”

“Now for the editing. Not tonight, though. I think we both deserve a break.”

“A break. Did it feel like work?” Dan asked.

“No.” Phil had a lie down next to him, their skin a mere breath away from one another in the small space. Both stared up at the ceiling. 

“Me either.”

“I can’t believe the sun’s starting to go down,” Phil observed. “I completely lost track of time.”

“It went fast.”

“Thanks for your help.” Phil looked his way. “It was easier… with you.”

Dan returned his gaze. “It was fun. With you.” He smiled, the sweetness of it making Phil ache.

“Do you need to go? Do you have school studies of your own to do?” 

“I don’t need to. Do you want me to?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head. He didn’t ever want him to go. “We could play Halo.”

“Mmmmmmm,” Dan hummed in agreement. “Maybe just stay like this for a little while longer?” He was staring at the ceiling again.

The affection he felt for him at that moment startled, like a prematurely offered plot twist. “Sure. Of course.”

*

The lion wore bunny ears and a bowtie. Phil stared at it. Such an odd image, but there it was right in front of him. It started talking. “Phil? Are you awake?” it asked quietly. Silly lion! Wasn’t it obvious he was awake? Why would it ask? Something touched his forearm. Something large, but soft and gentle, and not this lion who now had vampire teeth. Phil’s eyes blinked open. Disorientation sauntered away slowly. So he _had_ been asleep but somewhere not his bed. The floor. Twilight’s haze obscured his surroundings and he blinked again.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” Dan. Dan’s voice. Yes, that lovely guy Dan was there and he was waking up to the sound of his voice. What was stranger, this moment or the lion wearing bunny ears?

“S’alright,” Phil said. “Did you fall asleep, too?”

“Yeah.” Dan stood. The view from the floor made his long legs appear never ending.

Phil stood also and switched on the light. They looked at one another, squinting in the onslaught of brightness, and started laughing. 

“Another moment of us with too bright a light.” Dan said.

“My contacts are gonna be fun to peel out.”

“You ever wear glasses?”

“Sometimes.”

“Maybe I’ll see you in them one day. Maybe we can play Halo some other time?”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I better let you get back to a state of normalcy. I should do some reading, I guess.” Dan focused a gaze his way, smiling. The deep mocha of his eyes seeming to peer into Phil’s soul. He itched inside his clothing. He wanted them gone. He wanted everything keeping them apart gone. He suddenly pined to share everything possible with this wonderful new arrival in his life.

Phil cleared his throat. “Halo another time then.” He resisted the urge to hug him goodbye. That would be too weird. Guys didn’t do that, and he still didn’t know what he was to this one.

Dan nodded, giving a smile and little wave as he walked out the door.

What was this unfamiliar pain he felt? And why was it as good as it was bad? Phil popped sugary sweet candy in his mouth and plopped down at his desk. He knew he’d be up for hours. Might as well edit. At least this way he could see Dan’s face again. At least he’d always have this history they created.

*

Phil continued to watch Dan’s face all week as he edited. He could watch his face and listen to his voice forever. How could he be so lucky that the person behind that face was also fun, and smart, and kind. He stopped thinking about what his professor would think and instead only cared what Dan would think. Would he like it? Would it be impressive enough? Did he even remember that he did it, or was it and Phil long forgotten?

When Phil returned from his shower he had an answer to that question. A text on his cell from Dan: _is your masterpiece done and can I see it_.

Phil smiled, his heart skipping. He realized then he had missed Dan. Seeing him as an animated photograph on a screen wasn’t the same as having him near. He texted back: _It’s done! Want to come over now?_

The return message read simply: _yes_.

“Oh gosh,” Phil said aloud, rushing around his room and quickly tossing things that were on the floor into either the appropriate spot or the to-be-dealt-with-later pile in the closet. He’d been so busy obsessing over the video and finishing other school work that his room looked even messier than usual. 

Three shirt changes later and Dan knocked on his door, waltzing through it like the sun appearing on a brisk day. He still felt uncertain around him, but it was glorious all the same. 

Dan’s hair fell in a smooth slant across his forehead and his smile spread wide. After so much footage of him in bunny ears, it was good to see the real person. If he could, he’d take him close, nestle his shoulder and breathe in his scent. 

“How’ve you been?” Dan asked.

“Schoolwork and more schoolwork. You?”

“Same. Kind of. More thinking about schoolwork than doing it. I probably haven’t put as much effort into mine as you have into yours.”

“Well you helped me with my work.” Phil turned the chair towards him. “Sit and I’ll get the video started.”

Phil reached past Dan and got it playing, then stood behind him as they watched. Phil pulled the neck of his shirt up to under his nose, but after some mutual laughing and kind comments from Dan, Phil relaxed and dropped his cotton armor. 

“It’s really good!” Dan said as it finished. “I like your special effects. You’ve got mad editing skills.”

Phil beamed. “Thanks.”

“Will you remember me when you’re famous?”

“Maybe you’ll be in all my videos.”

“Like a muse?”

“Sure. I like Muse.”

They looked at one another tittering. “You’re a goof,” Dan said.

Same as last time, any tension Phil first felt evaporated. Dan had a way about him, and Phil felt a certain way around him, and together with him it felt meant to be. 

“You still open to a game of Halo?”

“Yeah!” Phil was a bit of a game addict and finding someone available at the same time as him and who liked the same games he did, was sometimes a pain.

They played for a while, Dan still in the chair and Phil on a lime colored square stool he kept under his desk for exactly this sort of thing. Next came talking and sitting in bed eating junk food. And once again the night ended with them lying on the floor as the sun went down. Soon the paused video screen offered the only light in the room. 

“I’ve been here for hours. Is that okay?” Dan asked.

“It’s okay with me if it’s okay with you. I’ve nearly finished my work.” Phil said, knowing if that weren’t true he’d want Dan there all the same.

“You must wonder about me and my disinterest with uni.”

“You don’t seem happy with your studies.”

“Honestly, I hate law. It’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know exactly. All I know is it’s not that.”

“You’re definitely smart enough for it.” Just as he wanted Dan to be happy with their video creation, he wanted happiness for him in this capacity also.

“I’ve got you fooled.”

“No. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Why are you studying law if it’s not what you want?”

“It’s what my father thought I should do.” Dan said.

“Are you two close?”

“No.”

Phil thought that was the end of the discussion as quiet moments continued on, and then Dan said, “I don’t think he ever forgave my being born. I think I’ve only been a burden to him.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do.” He laughed ironically. “So why would I study law, right? Why would I want to please him?”

“Because you care. Family is still family. It’s not so easy to write them off.” The thought of Dan feeling unwanted made his stomach hurt. “Sometimes you have to make your own family.”

“I suppose.” Dan turned to look at him. “Your skin is glowing blue, by the way.”

Phil returned his gaze. The laptop bathed them both in its glowing light. “Yours too.”

“Not as much as yours. You’re so pale,” he offered, quietly, like a caress. ”It’s soaked into your skin now. It matches your eyes.”

Phil twitched, the ache inside overflowing. “We might be this color forever.”

“We’ll have no choice but to stick together. No one else will understand.”

“No one will understand like we do,” Phil said.

“No.” Dan paused, then smiled. “We’ll be the blue family.”

“Yeah.” Phil returned the smile and then flicked his eyes away. Any minute he would do something he couldn’t take back. He rested his hands against his stomach, curled them into loose fists, and took a breath.

They were quiet for a while again, until the moment where Dan announced his departure. “I know you have more work to do,” he said. He stood, once again offering the never-ending view of his legs. “Promise not to change the video.” 

“I promise.”

*

The next morning, Phil brought his completed—and without further touchups per Dan’s request—video to class. What he hadn’t realized was that it would be shown not only to the professor but to the entire room of students also. It was an odd moment, sitting there with mostly acquaintances and strangers watching his creation, with every trained shot of Dan feeling like a photographic journal entry. Phil managed to loosen up with every audience laugh and startled jump. Comedy horror was what he wanted, and apparently what he gave. He couldn’t wait to tell Dan.

Steve leaned over before the next presentation started. “You and your boyfriend did a good job.”

Phil rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the huge smile that took over his face. “Shut-up.” 

It was hard to concentrate on the next few videos with Steve’s statement echoing in his mind. Wouldn’t it be nice… could it happen? What if? All he did know for certain was that he wanted to see him again the next moment, minute, hour, and that night. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“You alright?” Steve asked as they were leaving.

“Yeah, why?”

“You sounded at one point like you were about to hyperventilate. I mean, those videos weren’t that exciting.”

“Was just thinking.”

“About? Or do I even need to ask?”

Phil opened his mouth to give a cheeky reply when he felt a tug at his arm. He turned to find a petite redhead with a silver lip piercing looking at him.

“Hey! Phil, right?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He couldn’t tell someone her name if you paid him.

“I’m Katie. I’m in your video class.”

“Hi. Sure.”

“I wanted to ask you something.” She glanced away briefly and giggled. “That guy in your video, does he have a girlfriend?”

Phil’s brain stuttered. Awkward seconds felt like extended minutes before he finally said, “I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”

She looked happy. Relieved, even. “What’s his name?”

“Dan.” He wasn’t about to offer his surname too.

“Can I give you my number to give to him? Is that weird?”

“It’s fine. I’ll take it.”

Katie handed him a handwritten note with her name and number. She’d come prepared. 

Steve whistled under his breath as he watched her walk away. “She’s really cute. I wonder where else she’s pierced.” He nudged Phil’s arm. “You’re not actually going to give Dan the number, are you?”

“Would it be unethical not to?”

“Unethical? Have you ever used that word in your life? And you choose now to?”

“It would be like lying to him.”

“Don’t be daft, and don’t lose that number whatever you decide to do. My video showing is tomorrow. Maybe she needs to see it to find the guy she really wants.”

“Maybe,” Phil responded without even hearing what was said. All he knew was that he wasn’t as excited about seeing Dan as he was ten minutes ago.

*

Phil plunked himself into bed and pulled the sheet over his head. Why did Katie exist? Why did she have to cling on to Dan’s pretty face just as he had? He had to tell him about the number. He didn’t want to keep thinking about it. He especially didn’t want to think about it when he was with Dan.

He pulled out his cell and sent him a text: _Want to hear about vid class? Want to come over?_

Dan immediately sent back: _yes now_.

Phil smiled. So what if his fantasy was being interrupted by an outsider. Dan was still his friend. Dan was still coming over. Dan was still… Well Dan was still Dan. He wanted the phone number fiasco over with. Might as well start there.

*

“Here,” Phil said, shoving the paper into Dan’s hands the minute he took a seat.

“What’s this?” He looked down at the note. “What’s Ketle?”

“Does it say that?” Phil grabbed the paper back. The writing was indeed barely legible. Maybe if he was lucky enough they wouldn’t be able to make out her number. “That says Katie,” he informed, handing the paper to him once again.

“Who’s that?”

“She’s a cute girl who thinks you’re cute too. She liked you in the video. That’s her number.”

“She saw the video?”

Phil nodded. “I had to play it for the entire class. They really liked it, though. They laughed, they cried. Well they didn’t cry, but they enjoyed it. We did good.”

“That’s great!” Dan smiled one of his dimple imbedded grins. “I wanted you to do well. I figured you would unless the professor was an idiot.”

“You’re not upset I had to show it to everyone?”

“I actually find that kind of amusing. I’m happy it went well.”

Phil almost felt relieved—almost. “What about Katie?”

“Katie,” he said, looking at the paper. “That’s really nice of her, but I’m not interested.”

“Really?”

Dan dropped the now nearly crumpled note onto the desk and picked up the stuffed lion in its place. Phil had kept him out since its being pulled from the box. 

“Yeah. I can’t. Life and school…” He tossed the lion back and forth between his hands. “I don’t…” Dan shook his head and chuckled, holding the lion to his chest now. “Never mind.”

“What should I say if she asks?”

“Tell her…” He placed the lion back on the desktop. “Say I have someone already, okay? That’s what’s easiest, right?” 

Phil bit his lip. “Sure.”

“I have to get up early tomorrow. I’m gonna try to do extra studying before my exam.”

“Do you need to go now then?”

“Maybe some relaxing before the exhaustion? Games and…” Dan smiled. “A floor nap?”

Joy overtook Phil. He wanted to run out into the hallway and yell “A floor nap! That’s ours! That’s our thing!” But instead he simply nodded and smiled.

*

After a few hours of not very relaxing game play that caused Phil to gnaw on his controller and Dan to grumble loudly, they reclined on the floor just as planned. 

Sometimes they talked, sometimes they didn’t. This was one of their quiet times, where Phil almost thought Dan had fallen asleep, until his voice suddenly slid into the silence.

“Do you ever feel not good enough?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Like you weren’t meant for this world,” Dan said.

“No, not like that. I mean, not that I’m perfect, but… You don’t feel that way, do you?”

“Sometimes.”

Phil’s heart ached. “Don’t. You shouldn’t. Don’t ever feel that way.” 

He wanted to take Dan’s hand, pull it to his chest and hold it there. The most he dared was inching his hand closer to the side of his until they were touching in a way that could be considered accidental or even go unnoticed. Phil nearly held his breath, but then he felt Dan’s pinky finger slide over his, caressing his nail several times until it stopped and rested there. Phil stayed unmoving, still afraid to breathe, not wanting to break this moment. But he wanted him to know how much he liked him, how good he made him feel. How he never felt this way about anyone before. 

Phil swallowed, the movement loud in his own ear. “Dan, I—“ The door suddenly flew open, and just as quickly Dan bounced to an upright seated position.

“Anyone home?” Steve yelled. He observed Dan, who sat like a misplaced statue. “Oops. Sorry. I thought you were studying and I came by to… Yeah, so I’ll catch up with you later. Call me,” he said, leaving as abruptly as he’d come in.

Statue Dan came to life, rushing to his feet like the floor had set fire. “I better go too.”

“I’m sorry about the door. When I went to grab crisps for us I forgot to lock it. I’ll be careful next time.”

“It’s fine. I think I should go, though.”

“You don’t have to. Don’t you want to beat me at some more games or something?”

Dan shook his head, smiling the briefest bit. “Another time.” And then he was gone as fast as Steve. Phil’s room had never felt so empty.

*

While walking to class the following day, Steve appeared beside him throwing his hands up in apology. “I promise I’ll never come in without knocking again.”

“And I promise I’ll never leave the door unlocked again, so we should be okay.”

“Did I interrupt something?” Steve’s eyebrows raised. “You were on the floor. Were you about to get laid?”

“It’s not about that.”

Steve offered a thoughtful hum.

Phil gave him a side glance. “What?” 

“All I know is, if I had a love interest coming to my room as often as Dan does, I’d be expecting something. Or I’d at least question their motive.”

“We’re friends.”

“Nope.” Steve gestured between himself and Phil. “We’re friends. The two of you, though, it’s something else. And you want something else, right?”

“I mean, yeah. But it’s still nice the way it is. I don’t want to rock the boat.”

Steve sighed. “It’s time to start rocking something.”

Phil laughed. “Stop. You’re terrible.”

*

Phil sat at his desk gnawing at a pinky finger. His video with Dan played in the background on mute. He hadn’t heard from him in a few days, not since the incident with Steve busting in on them. Days without seemed so long. Caring about someone like this felt nice, but also scary as well. He pulled out one of his nearly filled lecture notebooks and dropped it onto his desk. He turned through the pages, half of the scribbled notes inside already forgotten, and searched for a blank page. This time he started a new note. One for himself only. 

Reasons to tell him how I feel and reasons to not tell him how I feel: 

1\. It’s not nice to play emotional games

2\. It is nice to play actual games

3\. I know how I feel about him

4\. I don’t completely know how he feels about me 

5\. He’s lovely inside and out

Phil looked at the poorly organized list and laughed. He crossed his arms over the notebook and lowered his head on top, staying that way until a knock at the door interrupted his pity session.

“Sorry. It’s just me,” Steve said when Phil opened the door.

“Thanks for knocking.” Phil hoped the apology was due to what Steve knew and not because he saw disappointment on his face. 

“Do you know what night it is?” Steve asked a little too excitedly. 

Phil stuck his thumbs in his trouser pockets and shrugged. “Sunday?” 

“Yes! And you know what happens on Sundays when you’re single?”

Phil tilted his head in pretend thought.“You go to bed early? You finish up overdue work?”

“Wrong! You go to a party.”

“I thought that was Fridays.”

“It can happen all weekend,” Steve informed, and counted off each day with consecutive upward pointing fingers. “Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.” 

Phil shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Why not? You used to like parties and people.”

“I still do. Sometimes.” Phil bit his lip and then asked, “Should I invite Dan?”

“You know what I say to that?” Steve threw his arms open wide. “Let the emo parade begin!”

*

After trying Dan’s phone and getting voicemail, Phil sent him a text: _Leaving to a party with Steve. Same place we met. Come save me._

The party itself presented exactly as he remembered from last time - cramped, loud, and too warm. Although the beer pyramid did seem impressively taller this time. As it got closer to the end of the semester, everyone lost their marbles at a faster and unrestrained rate. Same for Phil - though maybe not for the same reason as everyone else. Lots of friendly people spoke and joked with him, but he knew the next day they’d be a blur. He’d lost track of his drinks, and in return lost track of who was who, even as they stood in front of him. Everyone got a quarter of his attention, while alcohol got another quarter, and Dan got the other half without even being present. 

And then suddenly he was. He walked through the door, and like a video fade-out effect, everything surrounding Dan blurred and he was all Phil could see. 

“Dan, Dan, Dan, you’re here!” Phil laughed, rushing gracelessly towards him.

“Oh hello there! My, someone’s been enjoying the spirits.”

“They’re making cocktails. It’s better than beer.” Phil raised a near empty glass of something pink. “It’s so good.”

“I think you’re a little tipsy,” Dan said.

“Oh yeah?” Phil didn’t seem to have much control over his mouth, but so be it. “Well I think you’re a little pretty.”

Dan laughed. “Okay. Yep, tipsy.”

“Want drinks? Want to meet some people? I made some new friends.”

“I’m sure you did.” Dan looked over Phil’s shoulder. “I’m alight.”

Phil downed the rest of what was in his glass. It really was delicious, but Dan looked delicious too. “Are we leaving?”

“Why? Do you want to leave?”

Phil nodded, his head moving like a bobble doll’s. He regretted it instantly. “Owe.”

“Yeah, that’s a sign we should go. I only came because you asked me too, anyway.”

Those words warmed Phil more than all the liquor sloshing through his system. “You are so nice.” Phil said, emphatically. He slapped him on the shoulder. “So nice.”

“Okay.” Dan laughed. “You want to tell Steve you’re going?”

Phil turned and waved his arms side to side in tandem like a concert attendee. “Steve!” He called to the crowd at large.

“I don’t think you need to do that.” Dan said. “He’s standing right there.”

Was he really? Last he remembered, Steve stood on the other side of the room. Maybe Dan was right, though, because he seemed to appear out of thin air. 

“Thank God,” Steve said, looking at Dan. “He needs a babysitter. And you’re his favorite.”

Phil pushed him. “You’re rotten. We’re leaving. Dan doesn’t want a cocktail.”

Steve gazed at him like there was no hope. He took Phil’s empty glass, saying to Dan, “You’ll get him home okay? He likes to chase after things sometimes.”

“Yeah. I’ll keep him from running into traffic.”

Phil giggled. 

He then recalled the last time they left this place Dan had needed water. “I’m taking a bottle of water,” Phil announced, and then grabbed three of them, because you just never knew.

*

Phil hopped into bed, bouncing, and kicking off his shoes. “I don’t really remember getting here. How was our walk?” 

“Interesting,” Dan said.

Phil wondered if he sounded a bit off his rocker, but he couldn’t keep himself from talking. “Lock the door. There are dinosaurs, and they might get us.” 

“Still the dinosaurs?” Dan asked. He pulled a face Phil couldn’t read. “Don’t worry about it. You saved us from them.”

Phil gave two thumbs up. “That’s a good story. How’d I save us?” 

“You threw your water bottles at them.” Dan pulled a bottle from his pocket and held it up. His trousers continued hanging low as if something still weighed them down. “All except this special one we kept in case we were followed.”

Phil stared. The bottle glistened and Dan’s face expanded behind it. “Amazing,” he said. 

Dan hummed in agreement. 

“Let’s play games?” Tired as he was, Phil wanted the night to continue.

“I don’t think there’s a wide enough scoring advantage I could offer at the moment that would allow a fair competition between us.”

Phil yawned. “Too bad.”

“You seem ready for sleep anyway. Want me to turn out the light?”

“No. Don’t go, yet. We could nap on the floor.”

Dan shook his head. “Nope. I’m putting you to bed.”

“You’re sleeping in the bed?”

“ _You_ are sleeping in the bed.”

“You’re sleeping on the floor?” Phil asked.

“Oh my god. Goodnight. Sleep and get that head of yours fixed.”

“You can stay a while.”

“Oh, can I?” Dan asked in amusement.

Phil snuggled down into his blanket and turned over, his back now facing Dan. It felt oddly safe. “Sit here until I fall asleep. Sometimes I have nightmares; especially if I drink too much.”

“Why’d you drink so much tonight?” 

“I was waiting on you.” Other than random pounding in Phil’s head, the moment turned quiet.

“I’ll stay for a while, okay?” The computer chair creaked. 

Phil might have smiled then, or maybe he was already dreaming.

*

When Phil woke the next morning, he did so alone. He felt disappointed, and maybe even a little surprised. At one point he thought someone had been ruffling his hair. 

According to his phone it was nearly 11:00. Regardless of how late Dan did stay, he would have left for class by now. Phil, meanwhile, missed his first lecture by a long shot. He wasn’t listening to Steve again. Sunday was not the night for a party. 

Phil’s body didn’t complain as much as he’d expected - the remaining alcohol interference now a mere undertone rather than a full onslaught. Removing his contacts wasn’t going to be fun, though. It would definitely be a glasses wearing day. And once that was taken care of, next on the list would be an ocean of coffee followed by trying to remember how much he’d embarrassed himself last night. But really the only person who could solve that mystery would be Dan. Maybe he could combine the two and have coffee with the witness. 

Phil texted: _Coffee with me before next class?_

It might be cringeworthy to reminisce, but this wasn’t just anyone he’d be talking to. This was Dan. And surprisingly, that’s exactly what made it okay.

*

Phil arrived at the uni cafe before Dan and ordered a large coffee and two macchiatos. He found them a good spot in the corner, which he somehow managed to make his way to without spilling anything. He opened his bag and pulled out his phone and camera, fiddling with both until Dan slid in to the seat across from his. 

“Finally he’s got the glasses on. I like them.” He raised his cup. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Thanks for getting me home last night. Was I a drunken mess?” Phil winced. 

“Not really. Mostly giddy and silly. You don’t remember much?”

“I remember some things. It’s what I don’t remember that I worry most about.”

“You’re kind of mouthy when you drink.”

“I talk too much.”

Dan grinned knowingly, eyeing him from beneath lowered lashes. “You’re a biter.”

“A biter?”

“You only bit once or twice.”

The macchiato danced around in Phil’s stomach. “Twice?”

“The second time was to show me what a dinosaur would do to us.”

Phil laughed silently, ducking inside his shirt and pulling it over his mouth. If he could crawl the rest of the way in, he would.

“Don’t worry. You were a gentleman,” Dan said. “You didn’t leave teeth marks. And you only said nice things to me. I don’t know if you meant them, but you said them.”

Phil remained hidden inside his shirt but freed his mouth to say, “I mean every nice thing I say to you.”

“You’ve got your camera with you.” Dan nodded toward its spot on the table.

“Yeah. Need it for editing class today.”

“I think I should film you.” Dan rotated his coffee cup around in circles. “Post-party Phil Lester turning pink inside his shirt. That’s what we’ll call it. We’ll only see your eyes and your nose and your lips.”

Phil knew his cheeks layered on ten shades of embarrassment. He laughed aloud that time. 

“Get it ready for me to film.”

“You’re serious?” Phil’s eyebrows rose up. “I have to be to class soon.”

“We’ll make it quick. Something for me to remember you by.”

More coffee took a nose dive in Phil’s guts. “What’s that mean?”

Dan gestured at him impatiently. “Come on. Better get it ready if you don’t have much time.” 

Phil started the recording and handed it over. He’d been on this side of the lens before, but somehow it already felt different. 

Dan twisted the camera around a bit, eyeing it up. He steadied it and then asked, “What’s your name?”

“Philip.”

“Phil - lip,” Dan popped. “How’s your hangover today?”

“It doesn’t hate me as much as I expected.”

“Are you good at fighting dinosaurs?”

“Apparently. I heard I rescued us from them last night.”

“What are you going to do with your life?”

“Fight enemies. Rule the world.”

Dan smiled. “Yeah? What else?”

Phil cupped his chin in thought. “I’m not sure yet.” 

Dan stayed silent for a moment but kept the camera trained on Phil. “Your hands are so expressive,” he finally said. “Kind of delicate.”

“Delicate? Is that good?”

“It’s good on you. The way you touch things. It’s nice,” Dan said.

His voice wrapped around Phil like a lush blanket. It was hot in there. And Phil burned. “Oh. Thanks.”

“You should take your glasses off.”

“You said you liked them.”

“I want a better shot of your eyes.”

“But then I won’t see your face well.”

“Do you want to see my face?”

Phil laughed and briefly looked away. He wanted to see everything, but he slid his glasses off all the same. For Dan. Removing them at that moment felt as intimate as undressing. 

“What are you filming now?” Phil asked. Doing this was easier when Dan had been shooting off questions. 

“You.”

Phil nodded absently and took a sip of coffee.

“I like the way your Adam’s apple bobs when you swallow. I like the way you move your mouth.” Dan sat the camera down, still watching Phil as he did so. “I like a lot of things about you.” 

They held one another’s gaze. Phil’s heartbeat turned perceptible. He wanted to shove his glasses back on - anything to break the intensity and usher in normalcy. He hoped for it as much as he didn’t. Sitting in an impersonal plastic uni cafe suddenly felt as intense as the impending hill of a roller coaster.

“I better let you get to class,” Dan said. “At least one of us should graduate.”

Phil slipped his glass frames on, sharpening Dan’s appearance. He looked calm but searching. Phil had so much that he wanted to say, but couldn’t get the words to align. He slid his camera from the table and placed it in his backpack. 

“Make sure I get a copy of that,” Dan said.

“Come by later?” It’s all Phil could finally manage.

Dan’s expression relaxed. “If you still want me to.”

Phil never wanted anything more. “Yes. Please.”

Leaving Dan behind actually hurt. Whatever had just happened, Phil suddenly needed it as much as breath itself. 

*

Dan, Dan, Dan. 

Phil’s mind couldn’t be bothered with anything else. All through class, every step he took there and back, he was all Phil could think of. Dan had looked at him in a way no one ever had before, and with the honest, passionate way he spoke, he’d carved himself into Phil’s psyche forever. 

Phil would text him soon. Tell him to come over. And then what would happen? He thought of the list he made. _I don’t really know how he feels about me_. Was that still true? If he rewrote that list now, what would it look like? _1\. I really like him. 2. I think he probably likes me too._ Emotions moved in an anxious swarm. It was a lot. And Phil wanted more.

As if mentally summoned, there sat Dan on the floor as Phil turned the corner to his room. With his back against the wall, he was positioned much like he had been the night he found him at the party. That seemed like so long ago now, and the cute stranger he spied had become a friend. Maybe more. 

“What are you doing down there?” Phil asked. “I seem to find you on the floor a lot.”

“Sometimes I feel safer down here.”

Phil took a place next to Dan, mirroring his position with feet flat and knees pulled up. 

“I’ve been thinking. I might not come back to uni after this semester,” Dan said.

“Why?”

“I hate law. It feels like a waste.” Dan shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’ll figure it out. You can do what you want, and it’s okay if that turns out to not be law.”

Dan shook his head and gave a curt chuckle. “Sometimes I think if you really knew me you might not be my friend, or whatever.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I can’t be happy all the time.”

“No one is.”

“You are.”

“That’s not true. And what are you going to do when you see me unhappy? Not speak to me again?”

“No, of course not.”

Phil couldn’t sever this pull he had to Dan even if he tried. “I feel like I do know you already. And I like you a lot just as you are.”

“Even if I’m lame and I don’t feel like doing anything?”

“Then we can do nothing together, and if you want to do nothing alone, I’ll still be your friend.”

Dan looked his way with a gaze so intense it was as if he were memorizing every cell of Phil’s face. “You’re really beautiful,” he said, quietly, as if spilling a secret. 

The words danced along Phil’s skin, gifting prickles. “I’m just trying to be a good friend.”

Dan shook his head and laughed. “You’re an idiot sometimes.”

“Hey!”

“Hey.”

They sat in silence for a bit - Dan drumming his fingers against his knees, and Phil rummaging through thoughts and compiling scraps of courage. He thought of the original list. _It’s not nice to play emotional games_. Dan should know they were in this together. 

“You too.” Phil said.

“Me too what?”

“You’re beautiful too.”

“Phil.” Dan sighed. “Do you understand what I mean when I say that to you?”

“Well I know what _I_ mean. I’ve thought it since the day I saw you in the library, before we even officially met.”

“I saw you too that day, you know,” he said with a light smile.

“When you were leaving?”

“Yes.”

“I wondered if you had. It was only a moment.”

“And then I saw you again. I wanted your attention.” Dan did more tapping against his knees. “I didn’t mean to trip you.”

“What?”

“Indirectly, I think I might have. I was going to knock your foot with mine as you walked by and then suddenly you were in the grass.”

Phil waved it off. “I think I really did trip over you on my own.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

“And then the party, I found you again.” Phil cocked his head. “Do you believe in fate?”

“Not usually, but you’re making it hard not to.”

“I’ve liked you a lot forever now. Through all of our tale.”

Dan watched him in that intense way again. His gaze shifting from Phil’s eyes to his mouth and back. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” Phil asked. His voice shook a little; inside he shook a lot.

“I want to,” Dan said. He worried his bottom lip. Phil watched as it popped free, damp and plush. He wanted his own mouth there. Now.

Phil’s hands resting in his lap, clasped together in a grip. He swallowed. “You should probably do it then.”

Dan glanced furtively around the hallway. No one else was there, but he still asked, “Right here?”

“Yes, please.” 

Dan leaned towards him, eyes and expression soft and warm. He caught Phil’s mouth with his own and kissed him gently. The gentleness of it belied the tremors crawling throughout Phil’s body. It wasn’t the first time Phil had ever kissed someone, but it was the first time it felt like that. His heart thudded sideways, and he tingled everywhere, as if Dan were touching him all over. 

They stayed sat against the wall, Dan cupping Phil’s jaw with one hand and Phil cupping that arm by the elbow. Each movement of their mouths gradually turned less orderly and timid, until Dan’s tongue found his and deepened what had begun. He didn’t realize how much he’d wanted this connection until it was there, until _they_ were there. It felt really good. It felt meant to be. Time in the hallway seemed to stop, though Phil knew their being alone wouldn’t last forever. As if thinking the same, Dan started to pull back. Phil dared a quick peck as Dan’s lips left his. My heart, he thought, is beating so fast.

“Mine too,” Dan said.

“What?” 

“My heart is beating fast, too.”

Phil’s eyes popped wide. “I said that out loud?”

Dan laughed, nodding. “You’re adorable.” He took Phil’s hand in his, holding it between them. If there was something that would stop his heart from beating fast, that wasn’t it. 

“I’m glad we met,” Phil said. 

“Me too.”

Phil could feel the stupid grin on his face as he said, “I want to kiss you until our lips fall off.” 

“Yes. Although let’s keep the lips.”

“Yeah. We’ll need them for Skype calls.”

“Sure.” Dan coughed out an amused laugh. “That’s one thing we’ll need them for.”

“What? We’re definitely going to talk and Skype over break.”

Dan’s smile quieted away. “And if I don’t come back?”

Mutual panic turned palpable. 

“Trains,” Phil offered. “We’ll still see each other, yeah?” 

Dan nodded, his eyes searching Phil’s face again. No one had ever looked at him the way Dan did. He felt both stripped and coddled at the same time. 

“Winter break, you’ll come home with me?” Phil blurted.

“You want me to come home with you for winter break?” 

“Yeah. It would be great! And my family won’t mind.”

“As much as mine drives me mad, I’d feel bad not seeing them at all.”

“Stay with us until Christmas? You could leave before Christmas Day proper. Even if it’s only a week, come stay with me.”

Dan’s dimples teased an appearance. “You really want that?”

Phil squeezed his hand. “I’ve never wanted anything so much.”

His dimples fully sprung to life. “You are the absolute best, Phil Lester.”


End file.
